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Updated Mar 06, 2025How to Spice Up Your Marriage (But Not In, Like, a Cringe Way)
Twelve ways to bring on the heat.
Photo: Getty Images | SrdjanPav
It doesn't matter if you've been married for one year, five years or even fifty years—every marriage can experience lulls in romance or excitement. Sound relatable? You're definitely not alone in wanting to learn how to spice up your marriage and reignite the fire.
"Lulls happen for a number of reasons. For the most part, life gets busy and relationships can become routine," Amanda D, an intimacy expert known on TikTok as The Kink Consultant, explains. "There is less interest in injecting time or energy into spicing things up."
But have no fear; there are ways to awaken the romance, no matter what life throws at you. Below, see 12 tantalizing tips for revitalizing your relationship and learn how to spice up your marriage. (Trust: it's not as cringe as it all sounds...)
1. Introduce a spicy new toy
Need to add some new thrill to the bedroom? The Kink Consultant recommends incorporating a toy or two that fits you and your partner's preferences. "Introduce a small toy or prop to add sensation in the bedroom," she says. "This can be as simple as a blindfold, or something more advanced like a vibrator or a riding crop."
Need some ideas? See the best sex toys for couples here.
2. Dress to make yourself feel good
Dress to make yourself feel like a million bucks. When we feel our most confident, our partner notices and feels good, too. If you're looking to learn how to spice up your marriage in bed, start out of it first.
3. Get flirty
Sending flirty texts isn't just for new lovebirds and teenagers. Texts to spice up your marriage can be really fun! Try assigning a day each week that is dedicated to sending flirty texts to one another, complimenting your partner and making them feel loved. Then, you can plan to celebrate those texts in the bedroom that night…
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Learn the ins-and-outs of sexting here.
4. Remember that romance isn't just for the bedroom
It's a misconception that romance and partner play is only for the bedroom. In fact, research shows that foreplay actually starts for women in other areas of their day—like making your partner a cup of coffee in the morning.
And when it does come time to get down, a change of scenery during can be a great boost, too. "Take it outside of the bedroom," The Kink Consultant recommends. "Change the scenery by getting intimate in the kitchen, laundry room or even the backyard if there's enough privacy!"
5. Explore sensory deprivation
Eliminating one sense can heighten all the others. According to Amanda D, restricting your partner's senses with a blindfold, earplugs, a gag and/or some handcuffs can intensify arousal. Of course (and as always), informed and enthusiastic consent is key.
6. Talk about fantasies
Looking for how to spice up your marriage sexually? Talk about fantasies you've never tried together before. "Create a list of fantasies you'd each like to explore," Amanda D suggests. "Discuss and agree on six, assign a number to each one and then roll a dice to see which one you'll try first!"
7. Practice self-pleasure
If you're seeking ways to spice up marriage, consider practicing self-pleasure next to one another. According to The Kink Consultant, it can be fun to play a little hard to get with each other to heighten desire. Agreeing to self-pleasure where you can look at your partner, but not touch them, can make intimacy even more satisfying.
8. Enjoy a romantic getaway
Spice up marriage by finally checking this one off the bucket list. Whether you take a trip to the beach, plan a staycation, head to the mountains or travel to France, a romantic trip can be just what you need to reignite the passion.
Need some travel inspo? See our round-up of the most romantic destinations here.
9. Edging
As The Kink Consultant explains, edging is the practice of bringing your partner to the brink of orgasm before pulling back—again and again. "[This] can heighten anticipation and desire in a lasting way," Amanda D says. "Edging can happen in one session or over a series of days. Just make sure you and your partner agree on it before engaging in any edging."
10. Cook your partner their favorite meal
Nothing says romance—and (literal) spice—like cooking your partner their favorite meal. Food is a love language and, mixed with your favorite dessert, it can be a great way to show them you pay attention and want to give them even more.
11. Practice initiating
Sometimes, there is a lull in marriage because both partners feel they can't initiate sex. But to know how to spice up your love life in marriage, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and initiate. And this can go beyond just the bedroom: Learn about one-sided relationships here.
12. Tell them how much you enjoyed it
Once you have thoroughly spiced things up in your marriage, don't forget to tell your spouse! Everyone appreciates being appreciated, and if you can communicate how great it made you feel to connect with them, it's more likely to happen again and again. Bring on the heat.
