How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? We Asked Real Couples

Whether you've been married for less than a year or for 20-plus years, it's only natural for intimacy to wax and wane over time. But it does make you curious: How often do married couples have sex? And is there any truth to the thought that couples are destined to have less sex in marriage?

Rest assured–you're not kissing a healthy sex life goodbye with that wedding-day smooch. (Now that would be just depressing, wouldn't it?) "Not everyone is destined to have less sex in their marriage, but it does happen often," says Marla Renee Stewart, a sexologist and relationship expert. "Typically, folks who prioritize their sex lives in their relationship fare better than those who put it on the back burner."

We turned to real couples for The Knot 2024 Relationship and Intimacy Study to answer the question: How often do married people have sex? Are folks overall having less sex in marriage? And how can you maintain healthy sex in marriage? We turned to the experts to find out below.

In This Article:

• How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex?
• Why Does Sex Stop After Marriage?
• How to Improve Sex and Intimacy in Marriage

How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex?

We're going to dispel a myth now. According to our study, the percentage of couples married respondents who said they had sex once a week didn't fall off after marriage. In fact, that number increased by 10% from the 60% of those in a serious relationship. A majority of couples within their first three years of marriage–70% to be exact–reported that they were having sex once a week or more.

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However, that number declined as the marriage progressed for most. About 61% of couples married between three to six years said they had sex once a week or more. From seven to 10 years of marriage, that number declined to about 56% of spouses.

Tiana Crispino

Tiana Crispino

Tiana Crispino

As things go, that seems like a healthy sex life, when you take into account how busy life can truly get. Is it true? There is no universal answer to the question—but in short, less sex in marriage is not destined. It just fully depends on your relationship and how important sex is to you and your partner.

The right amount of "marriage" sex fully depends on your preferences. If once a week is good with you—or even every few weeks—that's great. If you're more inclined to a few times a week, that's also great. A healthy sex life is ultimately based on your marriage (and yours alone). "The amount of sex you have in your marriage is up to you and your partner," Stewart says. "And there is no one-size-fits-all answer."

Why Does Sex Stop After Marriage?

It is common for sexual frequency to rise and fall over time in many marriages. But if you're wondering if that diminished statistic mentioned (61% and 56%) will apply to you, there is hope that you can remain in the majority by having sex at least once a week. According to certified relationship expert Suman Kumar Sahni, many factors can influence sexual desire. These can include the following:

Comfort and Routine

"One of the most common reasons why people have less sex in marriage is comfort and routine," Sahni explains. "As couples become more comfortable with each other, they tend to fall into a routine that can make sex less exciting and spontaneous. This can lead to a decrease in sexual desire and frequency."

Stress and Fatigue

Another huge factor in sexual frequency is stress and fatigue. The demands of work, children and household responsibilities can leave couples feeling exhausted and too tired for sex.

Communication Breakdown

As they say, communication is key. Couples who do not communicate effectively about their sexual desires and needs can become sexually frustrated and disconnected.

Health Issues

Health issues can also contribute to a decrease in sexual activity in marriage. For example, conditions like erectile dysfunction, menopause and chronic pain can make sex uncomfortable or painful.

Infidelity

Lastly (and unfortunately), infidelity can be a huge factor in having less sex in marriage. Naturally, the discovery of an affair can cause emotional trauma and lead to a loss of trust and intimacy between partners. According to our study results, this is also a deal breaker.

How to Improve Sex and Intimacy in Marriage

Both Stewart and Sahni have tips for couples who want to increase their odds of having sex in marriage at least once a week–if not more frequently. If you're already having less sex in marriage, try not to panic as some couples go through ups and downs when it comes to this area of connection.

In addition, The Knot Relationship and Intimacy Study found more details on the latter: intimacy–and it isn't strictly limited to sex. In fact, the majority of couples said they viewed intimacy as other forms of physical affection, including hugging, kissing and cuddling (77%). Other ways to bond with your partner, according to our study, include spending quality time together via date nights and vacations (75%), regular communication (66%) and expressing appreciation or gratitude (63%).

Speaking of communication: If you really want to know how to improve sex and intimacy in your marriage, talk it out. Nadyne Busichio, a licensed professional counselor and a Level 3 Gottman Method therapist, believes couples should build what she dubs a "ritual of connection" to discuss sex more. Like setting aside time for money talks, having intimacy conversations also matters. "This is when couples set aside time to specifically have this discussion with their partner. We want to ensure that they aren't rushed, that kids aren't listening, and that both parties are calm when talking about it," she explains. "Both parties should be honest and open with one another about their feelings and fears."

According to our experts, here are some additional tips for improving your sex life and everyday intimacy.

Prioritize your emotional and physical connection

"This means checking in, taking the time to seduce one another by doing the small things and dating each other," Stewart says. "This also means being kind, mindful and helping one another when you can… With the physical connection, this means making sure that you take the time to hug, kiss and give affection often."

Get to know each other's fantasies

First, explore your own desires and what you'd like to possibly experience in the bedroom. (Consider these erotic suggestions to inspire you.) Encourage your partner to do the same. Then, talk about your fantasies together and how you can explore those fantasies with one another.

Work on your sex skills

"Too many times, we think we know our partners and their bodies. But as we age, our bodies change," Steward says. "The same skills that we had might not be helpful anymore." To amp up your sex life and learn new skills, Stewart suggests exploring classes (there are plenty of virtual options), or even hiring a sex coach or therapist.

—Esther Lee contributed to the reporting of this article.