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Updated Mar 06, 2025The Tea on Paying for a Bachelorette Party When You Can't Attend
You don't have to pay for a bachelorette party you aren't attending, but contributing can make your presence felt.
Bachelorette parties started many decades ago and they've stood the test of time. They're usually a fun event that could comprise anything from a club night to a weekend in Cabo, but spending money is usually a common denominator. Paying for a bachelorette party looks different for each person, but it's usually the maid of honor, bridal party, or floured ones who pool money together. If you're invited, you're likely to get a request to contribute from the organizer of the festivities.
What happens if you can't attend a bachelorette party? Do you still have to contribute to it financially? Candice Lyseight, CEO of Marie Worthy Weddings in Atlanta, Georgia is going to answer that question and more.
In this article:
- Do You Have to Pay for the Bachelorette Party If You Can't Attend?
- How to Tell Your To-Be-Wed You Can't Attend
Do You Have to Pay for the Bachelorette Party If You Can't Attend?
Attending a loved one's bachelorette party can be a once in a lifetime experience, so missing it can feel disappointing. However, life happens, you can't always be everywhere at once and sometimes you don't have the resources to participate. That said, if you can't attend a bachelorette party, you don't have to contribute money, Lyseight says.
"You should consider your personal financial status and your connections with the bride-to-be when answering this question," she adds.
If the bridesmaids and/or the maid of honor are paying for the bachelorette party and you aren't part of the bridal party, your lack of contribution may not be as monumental.
In a scenario where you can afford to contribute, doing so can be good etiquette. Some ways to make your presence felt from afar include contacting the organizer to find out where you can chip in, paying for the bride-to-be's spa treatment, having champagne delivered to their room, or sending cash, says Lyseight.
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What to Do If the Trip Is Out of Your Budget
If the wed-to-be is going on a trip for their bachelorette and that's beyond your budget, it can be awkward to communicate that. There are two ways you can navigate that conversation and that includes declining the invite or letting the organizer know you're on a budget that only allows you to attend particular events, says Lyseight.
In terms of the first suggestion, let the organizer know you have financial constraints if you're comfortable saying so. Otherwise, you could just say you're unable to make it and hope everyone has a blast. If you go with the second option, Lyseight suggests understanding that it may mean having to sort out your own logistics, which could cost you more. She also advises against expecting plans to change because you're not in a position to fully participate.
Also, don't take it personally if the cost of the festivities seems expensive, says Lyseight.
"Most likely, the activities were planned with the bride's interest at hand. In most cases, it [is] just best to politely let them know that you are unable to attend due to financial responsibilities. The bachelorette party should be a fun and stress-free experience for everyone."
How to Tell Your To-Be-Wed You Can't Attend
If you can't attend a bachelorette party you may feel compelled to tell the to-be-wed. Before you do, ensure the event isn't a surprise so you don't ruin it. Lyseight is of the mind that you shouldn't discuss it with the person getting married unless it's necessary. In case you feel obligated to tell the to-be-wed you can't attend, here are tips for approaching the conversation.
Have the convo in person if possible.
Having conversations about not being able to attend a once-in-a lifetime event shouldn't be done by text if possible. Lyseight says you should give the wed-to-be a call at least.
"The call should be a courtesy call regarding your inability to attend but close it out by discussing the excitement about the party," she says. "Really get her hyped up because that's what friends do."
Offer to take them out separately.
Just because you can't attend the bachelorette party, it doesn't mean you can't still spend quality time with the to-be-wed. After letting them know you can't attend, propose a fun night out where you can do anything they enjoy. Also, acknowledge that this may be a busy period for them and that you can have your mini celebration after the wedding if necessary. Doing this shows that you care and still would like to celebrate them at a convenient time.
Send a gift.
In the event that the bachelorette party is a surprise, communicate your absence through a gift, says Lyseight. It could be something fun for the bachelorette party, a sentimental gift, or an item to get the soon-to-be-married ready for their happily ever after.
"A gift with a little note softens any blow or disappointment that the bride may have about you being unable to attend," says Lyseight. "Please remember this is the bride's time to have a break from all of the stressful wedding planning. So make sure that this call/notification is not a pity party call but a celebration of the fun to come."
