Expert Advice to Common Marriage Problems Discussed on Reddit

Here's a not-so-secret secret: Everyone has marriage problems from time to time. "No matter how strong your relationship is, you never know what life will throw at you—stress, pressure, unexpected challenges—they can all take a toll, even on the best marriages," Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and the clinical director of California Behavioral Health says. "It's normal to have disagreements, rough patches and moments where you don't see eye to eye."

Don't worry, though. If you're experiencing marriage difficulties, or you're just wondering how to fix marriage problems, you're not alone—even Reddit users have taken to the internet with their most common marriage problems. It's always a plus to feel seen, right?

With the help of marriage experts like Legere and therapist Danielle Sethi, we've not only got the 101 on marriage problems Reddit users are having but also what you and your partner might be having (plus how to fix them).

In this article:

• Money
• Communication
• Boundaries With In-Laws
• Different Life Goals
• Infidelity
• Sex and Intimacy Issues
• Emotional Disconnection
• Unbalanced Household Responsibilities

Money

Money problems in a marriage? Of them all, the struggle to talk about money is perhaps the most common (and least talked about, too.) Many Reddit users take to the platform anonymously to ask for help with their money and marriage troubles.

Like one man who took to the site to say, "Wife (46F) and I (41M) had a money fight. What do?" He explained he has an aversion to money and that his wife has always taken care of handling their finances collectively with no issues. But one night, when he said he didn't like how she spent money on something small, she blew up at him and explained she wanted a "financial separation."

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The TL;DR? "Husband's aversion to money hurts wife's feelings and she wants a financial separation, help!" This is all too common—no matter what the fight might be about.

Relationship Expert Advice: Money is a huge source of stress in marriage because finances affect almost every part of our lives—from how we live, what we prioritize and even how secure we feel. If a couple's money habits aren't aligned, or if they're experiencing financial struggles, it can lead to tension, resentment and even endless arguments.

"The key here would be honest and open communication," Legere suggests. "Sit down, create a plan together, and make sure you're both fully on the same page about budgeting, saving and long-term financial goals. You can also work with a financial planner or therapist to navigate these issues."

Communication

If you're struggling with communication problems in marriage or communicating with your partner in general, you're not alone like Reddit user tw244, who took to the site with "Difference in communication styles between husband (31M) and I (29F)" to ask for help.

"My husband is very analytical and logical. He likes lengthy discussions and emphasizes crystal-clear communication. Me, I'm the type who enjoys company more than conversation," she says.

The TL;DR? She needed, like many couples, online resources or tips to improve her communication skills.

Relationship Expert Advice: "Communication! Often, different beliefs that we are not consciously aware of lead to differences in expectations about how we communicate our needs," Sethi explains.

In her opinion, she'd say that underlying most marriage issues is a difference in how couples talk about conflict or when their needs may conflict with one another. According to her, building skills to communicate these issues—through things like therapy or even learning more about each other's communication styles—can help couples get through them effectively and prevent them from getting stuck in blame and defense patterns.

Boundaries With In-Laws

Another big (but maybe unexpected) difficulty in marriage is not having boundaries with the in-laws. "I cannot fit myself into my husband's family system," Reddit user throwRA39975 says. "We've been having more and more discussions about this because when I try to hold a boundary, his family members get angry and pull away. My husband does support me but is also afraid he's losing his family and I see him having more and more anxiety daily."

Relationship Expert Advice: Are your in-laws pushing into your lives in an uncomfortable way? According to Sethi, try to always set clear boundaries—and even more importantly, unite on boundaries as a couple—and communicate them respectfully to family members. Focus on what you and your spouse can control.

Different Life Goals

TL;DR: My husband and I want different things out of life and I'm scared it will end our relationship. "He recently told me we will never be able to retire. That made me so upset," Reddit user Excellent_Story_7472 posted, "I want a fulfilling life. I want to travel. I don't want to work forever. I want to be comfortable and not worry. We both have 401ks and I contribute the max into mine."

Does this sound familiar? It turns out Reddit marriage problems can be relatable, especially if you're also experiencing having different life goals with your partner. But not all hope is lost.

Relationship Expert Advice: "Over time, people grow, priorities shift, and what you both wanted at the start may not be the same years later," Legere explains. "One partner may want to move somewhere new, start a new business or even have another baby... while the other just wants to stay put or something completely opposite."

When your hopes or visions for the future don't line up anymore, it's bound to create distance and frustration in the relationship. But a way to address this, Legere adds, is by having open and honest conversations. Really listen to each other's perspectives, find common ground and see if there's a way to compromise so that neither person feels like they're sacrificing everything for the other.

Infidelity

"My wife decided to step out and cheat on me with a co-worker who has an office right across from hers," one Reddit user posted. "So I'm here to ask you: If you've ever been cheated on, married individuals more specifically but open to any and all opinions, were you able to reconcile and get over it?"

If you're also experiencing infidelity and you're wondering how to fix this tricky (and hurtful) problem, we're here to help.

Relationship Expert Advice: Yes, when it comes to intimacy problems in marriage (and infidelity), this is one of the hardest issues to face—and it can really shake the foundation of trust that any couple has built over time.

"The pain, confusion and betrayal that come with infidelity can feel very overwhelming, and it's easy to feel like there's no way forward. Healing from it will be tough, but not impossible," Legere says. "It will really need deep honesty, open communication and often, outside help like therapy to rebuild the trust that has been broken. Both partners need to be willing to put in the work, whether it's addressing underlying issues or learning to forgive and move forward together."

Sex and Intimacy Issues

Sometimes, it's not infidelity but more a question of how to fix intimacy problems in marriage. Maybe you're having sex less, you don't align with your desires or you want to explore different things but feel detached. But married couples spending time together in the bedroom can be just as important as what happens outside of it.

"I (31F) have been with my husband (M35) for roughly 7 years, married for 4. Our sex life is terrible and has slowly descended into a dead bedroom over the last 3 or so years," one Reddit user explains. "The thought of living like this for the rest of my life is so utterly depressing and I don't have anyone to talk to about it because… well, it's isolating."

Here's our expert take on what to do if this common marriage problem sounds all too familiar and how to improve intimacy in marriage below.

Relationship Expert Advice: Sex and intimacy can feel complicated. But sometimes, the best thing to do, according to Sethi, is to focus on open and pressure-free conversations without negativity. Try focusing on positive requests, reinforce what is good and if it still doesn't improve, seek out the help of a sex therapist.

Emotional Disconnection

"My wife is telling me that we don't emotionally connect," Reddit user ferrosi91 says. "As her husband, what can I do?"

If you're also experiencing a lack of emotional disconnection—either on your side, theirs or from the both of you—it can be common and also is something you can get help with.

Relationship Expert Advice: When you reach out to your partner for connection, it's called bidding for your partner. According to Sethi, when we bid for our partner or they bid for us, it can be helpful to continue this good mojo by expressing appreciation for it. "Show responsiveness and engagement with one another's 'bids' for connection," she suggests. A little can go a long way.

Unbalanced Household Responsibilities

Piles of laundry, stacks of dishes and endless household responsibilities. Sometimes, a common marriage problem is unbalanced household responsibilities, which can lead to resentment and hardship.

"My [26F] husband [32] does nothing to help around the house and it's ruining my sanity. How do you instigate real change?" one Reddit user asks.

Relationship Expert Advice: "Discuss expectations, divide tasks fairly and check in regularly to adjust as situations change," Sethi offers. If nothing changes, then consider seeking out marriage counseling from a source that can truly help things feel equitable.