Save-the-Date Etiquette: Your Crash Course in When to Send Save-the-Dates

The ring is on your finger and the location of your Pinterest-board dreams is confirmed for the big day—now it's time to get your guests in the loop. Your first step: mailing wedding save-the-dates (the pre-invitation that officially announces your wedding date and location). Wondering about when to send save-the-dates or the details of save-the-date etiquette? You're in luck. We're answering your most burning questions about this essential piece of correspondence (while also clearing up confusion about save-the-dates vs. invitations). From how many save-the-dates to order (and if you need extra) to our top tips and tricks to save a little cash on postage, we're here to help you nail this process and get guests stoked to clear their calendars. And guess what? If you're ready to order wedding save-the-dates, The Knot Invitations offers a wide array of options including standard cards, magnets, postcards and petite cards that you can customize with ease.

What is the proper save-the-date etiquette?

It may feel like there are endless questions relating to save-the-date timelines and etiquette. Don't fret, this guide covers all the bases with wedding save-the-date etiquette you need to be aware of as you tackle your wedding planning checklist.

Design: Tiana Crispino

What is a save-the-date?

A wedding save-the-date is essentially the little sister to your official wedding invitation—it's a piece of mail (or digital correspondence) that's sent out a few months ahead of the invite. Wondering what information goes on a save-the-date? A save-the-date lets invitees know the date and location of your upcoming nuptials (and also confirms that they made the coveted cut to get on your guest list).

If you think the save-the-date meaning still sounds a lot like just a regular wedding invite, let us break down the difference between save-the-dates and invitations a bit more: Save-the-dates are sent early on to give guests advanced notice to hold your wedding date to ensure they're free to attend. You basically just need your when and where (day and location—not even your exact venue) to send them out—nothing else needs to be finalized. Wedding invitations, on the other hand, include many more details of the day, such as the ceremony time and the venue address.

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Do you have to send save-the-dates?

But actually, are save-the-dates necessary? We say yes, you absolutely do need to send save-the-dates in some shape or form. Without giving a heads up, you run the risk of guests making other plans, like long vacations or even committing to another wedding. You want as many of your loved ones to celebrate with you as possible, so it's both practical and polite to give them ample advance notice. Plus, it's a good place to include a link to your wedding website to offer access to your registry (which will come in handy for prewedding parties like a wedding shower) and for invitees to check for wedding updates in real time.

Photo: The Knot Invitations

When do you send out wedding save-the-dates?

If you're wondering when you should send save-the-dates, there's a sweet spot for how far in advance to do this: Start spreading the news six to eight months ahead of the ceremony for the ideal save-the-date timeline. (We recommend skewing more toward eight if you're getting hitched at a far-flug locale or over a holiday weekend.) Doing this so far in advance gives wedding guests plenty of time to book travel, save money and ask for days off work. Any later than that and they won't have enough lead time to do those things.

How early is too early to send save-the-dates?

We get it—you're super excited for your big day and maybe you have lots of details hammered out well in advance, but there are occasions where it's too early to send save-the-dates. How soon is too soon to send? At the very earliest, try to keep it to under a year—if you surpass that, your day may be too far away to stay on guests' radars and you risk folks putting off making the appropriate plans. Plus, you'll have a little more leeway if you need to—for some reason—change the date or location.

Photo: The Knot Invitations

How late is too late to send save-the-dates?

Ideally save-the-dates should be sent no later than six months before the wedding. But ultimately, under four months out from the wedding is considered too late for save-the-dates to make sense. If you're getting this close to the wedding (or are having a very short engagement) it makes sense to skip save-the-dates and go directly to sending out wedding invitations.

Who do you send save-the-dates to?

Do you send save-the-dates to everyone? In short, everyone on your wedding guest list who would get an invitation is who you should send a save-the-date to. That means one per guest, with the option to send a single card for families with members in the same household or couples living together. Remember, though: Once your save-the-dates are in the mail, there's no turning back—so only send them to those guests you definitely want to attend your affair. (Even folks you've received verbal confirmations from, like your bridesmaids and family members, get a spot on your list of who you send save-the-dates to.)

Photo: The Knot Invitations

Do save-the-dates and invitations have to match?

No, save-the-dates and wedding invitations don't have to match. We feel the relationship between your save-the-dates and invites is a lot like the one between your two eyebrows: they should be sisters, not twins. So if your main invitation is a rainbow wash of pastels adorned with sparkling gold-foil accents, perhaps pull a favorite color from your invite to be the main hue of your save-the-date. (Plus, going the mix-and-match route will ensure your save-the-dates don't spoil the surprise of your main invites, if you have a really bespoke design up your sleeve.)

That said, if you're dreaming of a perfectly coordinated wedding paper suite (with a design that might even spill over when you create a wedding website) we've got plenty of options for you at The Knot Invitations. The designs on The Knot Invitations not only coordinate with our wedding websites, but there are also day-of stationery items that match so you can keep the cohesion going. If the cost is a stressor, consider who traditionally pays for save-the-dates to see your options.

How can you save money on save-the-dates?

Here's what you need to know when it comes to how to save money on save-the-dates: For the physical card itself, you can keep to a lower price point if you forgo anything super custom, like a hand-painted watercolor save-the-date (save that for your wedding invitations). There are also plenty of printable save-the-date templates out there where you can get a custom design at a very fair price, given you put in a little elbow grease.

We know save-the-date magnets are popular, too, but keep in mind they're heavier and will therefore cost more to mail. On that note, you can also save the elegant wax seals, custom calligraphy and hand-sourced vintage stamps for the main invitation, too. If you're worried about the cost, consider who traditionally pays for save-the-dates to consider as.

Photo: The Knot Invitations

How many extra save-the-dates should you order?

Ordering a few extra save-the-dates (at least five, if you're looking for an exact number of how many extra save the dates to order) is a smart idea. You or your parents might want a couple as keepsakes and to store in a memory box. It's also smart to have some backups on-hand to account for any last-minute guest list additions. When it comes to where to send extra save-the-dates, it's a good idea to send them to the wedding VIP that would be responsible for sending them out if they end up being needed (generally either the couple or their parents).

How do you mail save-the-dates?

Once you've compiled your list of guest addresses, mailing save-the-dates is fairly similar to mailing wedding invitations. If you have embellishments or unconventional mailing materials (like magnets) in your save-the-dates, expect a slightly higher cost per card—if there's extra weight or if you have to opt for a hand-canceling service, which saves your cards from being squished by a machine before mailing. When it comes to how to mail save-the-date magnets, plan to send them inside of an envelope, like you would a card, so they don't get ruined in transit. If you have any questions, bring an envelope that's ready-to-go to the post office and have it weighed by a clerk to get the exact price per card. As for how to mail save-the-date postcards, you will save money compared to conventional save-the-dates as postcard postage costs less than standard postage. And most importantly: Never drop your precious save-the-dates in the mailbox! It's easy to be tempted by the convenience, but one of the most important tips for mailing your wedding stationery is to hand them over to an actual postal worker to ensure their safe delivery.

Additional reporting by Hannah Nowack