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Updated Mar 06, 202590+ Sex Questions for Couples That Are Guaranteed To Turn Up the Heat
FYI: Your pillow talk sesh may lead to more than just talking.
Photo: Stocksy
by Elana Lyn Gross
Updated Mar 31, 2025
Sex is an important part of any romantic relationship but, let's face it, it can be awkward to talk about sex with your partner. Fortunately, you can ask sex questions for couples to kick off an open and honest conversation that can help you both enjoy your sex life even more.
"Asking each other questions about sex is crucial because it opens the door to understanding, connection and growth in your relationship. It's easy to make assumptions about what your partner wants or enjoys, but those assumptions are often wrong—or at least incomplete," says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and author of "Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life." "Questions help you uncover what truly excites each other, address any unspoken concerns and create a safe space for vulnerability."
So, what are the best sex questions to ask? We've rounded up fun, dirty and intimate questions to ask to get to know your partner (and yourself) even better. Whether you're reveling in the honeymoon stage or enjoying the comfort and stability of being married for years, both of your sexual preferences are ever-changing. These questions can help you build emotional and physical intimacy…and turn up the heat. Oh, and pro tip: Share your own answers so your S.O. knows your take.
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In this article:
- Common Sex Topics for Couples
- The Best Sex Questions for Couples
- Get to Know You Sex Questions for Couples
- Dirty Sex Questions for Couples
- Fun Sex Questions for Couples
- Intimate Sex Questions for Couples
Common Sex Topics for Couples
You might be wondering what types of questions you should ask to strengthen your sex life. Shan Boodram, a certified sex educator and chief intimacy officer at the intimacy coaching company Arya, explains that there are three categories of sexual questions to ask your partner:
- Freedom to: "What does your partner want to try? What do they fantasize about?"
- Freedom from: "What holds your partner back from really letting go during sex? What identity, social norm or belief do they feel gets in the way of having the kind of sex they desire?"
- Freedom not to: "What are your partner's current sexual boundaries?"
How can you incorporate each category into your convo? Boodram shared one example of each:
- Freedom to: "It's been awhile since I asked you about your sexual fantasies, what's something you're curious to explore during sex?"
- Freedom from: "How do you think religion shapes our comfort with expressing ourselves sexually?"
- Freedom not to: "Sex is a lot like travelling, there are some places you have no interest in going. What's something sexually you have no desire to try?"
The Best Sex Questions for Couples
The best sex questions to ask your partner will facilitate a vulnerable, non-judgemental conversation that will help you both express your desires. "At its core, a 'good' question balances curiosity with care, expressing personal desire while making space for your partner's feelings, boundaries and agency. It's not just about what you want to do, but how you want to experience something together. The best questions are framed with openness, rather than expectation," says Nicholas Velotta, the head of relationship research at Arya. He recommends asking:
1. "I've always wanted to explore [X]. Would you be open to that?"
2. "How would you feel about trying this together?"
3. "What helps you feel most connected to me before we have sex?"
4. "What's something you've always wanted to try, but haven't asked for yet?"
5. "What makes you feel most desired by me?"
6. "How do you like to be touched when you're feeling playful or turned on?"
7. "How about when you're feeling romantic or sentimental?"
8. "What's one small thing we could try to make sex feel more fun (or less serious)?"
9. "I know I seem like I want to be in charge of everything. But actually, in the bedroom, I want you to be in command. What do you think?"
10. "What's something I do that you love watching?"
11. "Would you rather describe what you want to try in bed verbally IRL or send it in a text?"
12. "What's one non-sexual thing I do that turns you on?"
Get to Know You Sex Questions for Couples
Design: Natalie Romine
These questions will help you get even closer to your partner. You might just learn some fun things you can try together.
13. In an ideal world, how often would you want to have sex?
14. Would you want to schedule sex or have it be more spontaneous?
15. What sexual activities do you consider to be "having sex"?
16. What do you think is foreplay versus sex?
17. What are some creative foreplay ideas we could try in and out of the bedroom?
18. Are there any sexual activities you dislike or don't want to try?
19. What does an orgasm feel like for you? Describe it.
20. What sexual activity is most likely to make you orgasm?
21. What is your preferred birth control measure?
22. What are your top three turn-ons?
23. What do you like to do after sex?
24. What makes you feel sexy?
25. What part of my body turns you on the most?
26. What is your favorite sexual experience we've shared?
27. What are a few fun ways you'd like me to initiate sex?
28. What are some creative ways we can both initiate sex more often?
29. Do you like to be in control during sex or vice versa?
14. Would you want to schedule sex or have it be more spontaneous?
15. What sexual activities do you consider to be "having sex"?
16. What do you think is foreplay versus sex?
17. What are some creative foreplay ideas we could try in and out of the bedroom?
18. Are there any sexual activities you dislike or don't want to try?
19. What does an orgasm feel like for you? Describe it.
20. What sexual activity is most likely to make you orgasm?
21. What is your preferred birth control measure?
22. What are your top three turn-ons?
23. What do you like to do after sex?
24. What makes you feel sexy?
25. What part of my body turns you on the most?
26. What is your favorite sexual experience we've shared?
27. What are a few fun ways you'd like me to initiate sex?
28. What are some creative ways we can both initiate sex more often?
29. Do you like to be in control during sex or vice versa?
Dirty Sex Questions for Couples
Would your partner *actually* want to have sex on the beach or just sip the cocktail on your next beach trip? You won't know unless you ask. We recommend giving these questions a whirl during your next date night pillow talk sesh.
30. Are there any sex toys or props you want to try?
31. What is your stance on porn?
32. Do you want to watch sexy movies together?
33. Are there any sexy movie scenes you'd like to act out?
34. Would you want to try roleplay?
35. What roleplay scenarios would be fun for you?
36. Would you want to incorporate food like whipped cream, chocolate sauce or edible underwear?
37. Want to go on a date and flirt like it's our first?
38. It's pouring out…do you want to go kiss in the rain?
39. What's the most risqué place you'd want to have sex?
40. Do you like dirty talk?
41. Would you want to send or receive sexts?
42. How about nude pics?
43. What is your favorite thing about having sex?
44. Would you want to try mutual masturbation?
45. What do you think about when you masturbate?
46. Do you ever think about me when you masturbate?
47. Would you want to have sex on the beach if you knew no one would find out?
48. Sex on the kitchen counter: Yay or nay?
49. Would you want to join the "mile high club"?
Fun Sex Questions for Couples
These sex questions may make you want to give a new sex position a spin…or sprint to your full-length mirror.
50. What songs or artists would be on your "sex playlist"?
51. Want to make a "sex playlist"?
52. Do you like listening to music when you have sex?
53. Candles around the room and rose petals on the bed: Cute or cringe?
54. Have you ever had a dirty dream about me? Tell me about it.
55. Who would be your celebrity hall pass?
56. What did you find most attractive about me when we first met?
57. Where do you most and least like to be touched during sex?
58. How would you feel about starring in or receiving a boudoir photoshoot?
59. Would you want to have sex in a private pool or hot tub?
60. If you knew you wouldn't get caught, would you want to have sex at your office after-hours?
61. What happened in your most recent dirty dream?
62. Do you like quickies or would you rather take your time?
63. What's your favorite sex position?
64. What's an advanced sex position you'd want to try?
65. Is there anything I wear that you find super sexy?
66. What clothes make you feel sexiest?
67. How would you feel if I showed up in just a trench coat?
68. Describe our first kiss. What were you thinking?
69. What are some fun sexy at-home date night ideas we could try?
70. Would you want to have sex in front of a mirror so you can watch?
71. How would you feel about making a sex tape together if you knew no one else would ever see it?
72. Would you want to have sex blindfolded?
73. Would you want to go to a sex party?
74. Do you think sexual chemistry can grow?
Intimate Sex Questions for Couples
These questions will help you strengthen your emotional intimacy, which is essential for any healthy relationship.
Design: Natalie Romine
75. Do you ever get self-conscious during sex?
76. Do you ever get performance anxiety during sex?
77. How important to you is sex in a relationship?
78. Do you think emotional and physical intimacy are equally important?
79. How do you think our sex life will change in the future?
80. How would you describe a "good sex life"?
81. How would you describe "great sex"?
82. What do you consider to be cheating?
83. How do you think your love language affects what you like in bed?
84. How would you describe sexual compatibility?
85. How can I help you feel more desired?
86. Do you think we talk about sex openly and honestly?
87. What were you thinking the first time we had sex?
88. What are some ways we could strengthen our sex life?
89. What is a sexual fantasy you've always wanted to try?
90. What is the best thing about our sex life?
